Honoring Parents, part 1 vol.3 no.16
The Torah commands us to honor and fear our parents, as it says “Honor your father and mother” (Ex.20;12) and “A man should fear his mother and father” (Lev. 19;3).
Our Sages have given guidelines for the proper ways to fear and honor our parents. One should not stand in a place which is specifically set aside for his father to pray, or sit in his father’s special place in the house. One should not contradict his parents. Even if his parents openly embarrass him or damage him monetarily, one cannot verbally attack them or show anger against them. However he is allowed to make claims against them for any monetary damage.
One should serve his parents as they require with a pleasant countenance. If his parents are sleeping and he will lose money if he does not wake them up to ask them something or retrieve from them something, he must let them sleep. However if his parents would also suffer financial loss and would want to be awakened, or if the father needs to go to shul to pray or learn Torah, they may be wakened.
If a child knows that people will confer on him some type of good if he mentions his parents’ names, but they would do so for his sake as well, he should make a point of mentioning his parents names for the sake of their honor.
If one’s mother asked him to do something and afterwards his father showed disapproval and asked him who told him to do this act, the son should not say his mother told him to do it, even if his father will be angry at him.
One is required to honor one’s parents even after their death. For instance one should recite the Kaddish prayer with a quorum of men for the first eleven months after a parent’s death. When one refers to a deceased parent he should use a respectful phrase such as “of blessed memory”.
If one’s parents ask him to transgress a mitzvah he is required not to listen to them.
