Honoring One's Parents vol.2 no.7

The Torah obligates one to honor and revere his parents in all manners, action, speech and attitude.

1. In addition to a physical display of honor, one's attitude towards his parents must also be one of dignity and honor. He must, therefore, hold his parents in very high esteem and consider them amongst the world's most honorable people. (This is accomplished by focusing on a particular quality which they possess which extends beyond the general conduct of others (1).)
2. One must speak respectfully to his parents and he may not interrupt or even indicate that he contradicts them unless they request his opinion. Even confirming their opinion in their presence is considered disrespectful. However, when not in their presence one may disagree with their opinion in a most respectful way. One may never mention his parent's name without prefacing it with the words "my father / mother". When mentioning one's parent after their passing one should add the words "of blessed memory".
3. If one's parents require help with any of their needs (eating, drinking, transportation etc.) one is required to assist them. If a parent requests something one must fulfill their request unless this would violate or limit a Torah or Rabbinic commandment. Furthermore, if one feels that a particular setting would benefit his Torah studies or that a particular wife is most suitable for him he may conduct himself according to those feelings even against his parents' wishes. If one eats with his parents he should honor them by giving them precedence when washing the hands for bread and being served. Included in the obligation of reverence is that one may not sit in his parents' designated seat at the table.
4. Both men and women are obligated to honor and revere their parents. However, a married woman, being subject to honoring her husband, is obligated to fulfill her husband's wishes even when they conflict with those of her parents. The honor to one's father precedes the honor to one's mother and one must, therfore, obey his father's wishes even when they conflict with those of his mother, (because his mother must also honor her husband). If they are divorced his father's honor does not supercede his mother's and one may choose to honor whomever he wishes (2).
5. One is obligated to honor a step-parent during his natural parent's lifetime and it is appropriate to continue honoring them afterwards. One is equally obligated to honor his oldest brother. One is obligated to give honor to his father and mother-in-law in the same way one must honor an elderly person. Therefore, although he must speak respectfully to them and not contradict or interrupt them, he is not obligated to care for all their needs.

(1) Dear Parents p. 41 (quoting Rabbi C. Schmulevitz) (2) Aruch Hashulchan 240:37

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